Treat It With Care
by remyridge
Summary: This will be a multi-chapter fic set directly after the last scene of 4x12 (spoilers). Lots of angst, but eventual Rizzles of course.


Maura strained to hold back a whimper. Jane had just told her about Casey's proposal.

_Casey is going back to Afghanistan._

_For how long?_

_I don't know. He said he hadn't decided whether to reenlist. He will unless…_

_Unless what?_

_Unless I marry him._

Maura's practiced poise in unexpected situations betrayed her and she knew Jane caught a glimpse of the raw emotions that crossed her face in the split second it took for her composure to return.

Maura cleared her throat and did her best to keep her voice steady, "Have you given him your answer?"

"No…I mean not yet. I haven't given him an answer yet."

Maura desperately wanted to say more. She had so many questions swirling around in her brain, each one clamoring for attention. What was Jane thinking? Was she excited about the proposal? Upset? Scared? Angry? Was she planning on saying "yes"? Or "no"? What did it all mean? But Maura simply nodded at her friend as she saw Casey walking back towards them.

"I think Paddy is going to be just fine here. I mean look at him, already surrounded by friends from his old neighborhood," Casey boasted as he placed his hand on Jane's lower back and kissed her on the cheek.

Maura fought a frantic internal battle to subdue the nausea and panic that was building within her. She swallowed hard and tried on a smile as Casey turned to look at her, but she knew the smile didn't reach her eyes and most likely looked far less than genuine. Maura's attempt to look casual must have passed, as Casey didn't give her a second look.

"Alright, well I need to get going. I want to get all my errands done so we can spend our last night together," Casey said, looking affectionately at Jane.

"Okay, I'm going to drive Maura home, so just give me a call when you're through."

Casey leaned in to kiss Jane goodbye and Maura had to look away. She had never been bothered by Casey and Jane's displays of affection before, but this time was different. This time it actually meant something, and Maura was visited with a stronger wave of nausea as she tried to wrap her mind around everything that was happening.

The drive to Maura's house was quiet; neither woman knew how to make small talk after the bomb that had just been dropped. Maura's head was spinning, and both the logical and emotional parts of her brain were warring as she decided what she should say next. It was Jane who finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

"I haven't decided."

Maura was caught of guard and was unable to put Jane's words into context. "What?"

"I haven't decided what my answer will be. To Casey. Whether or not I want to marry him."

"Oh."

"That's all you have to say, 'oh'? Come on Maur, I know you, what are you really thinking?"

Jane pulled her cruiser into Maura's driveway and looked pointedly at her friend. Maura's rising anxiety made it hard to regulate her breathing and she knew Jane would be acutely aware of this fact.

"Hey, what's wrong? You're panting like you just ran up Heartbreak Hill and you're getting paler by the second. Let's get you inside."

Jane exited the car and came around to the passenger side to help Maura into the house. Jane settled Maura on the couch and went into the kitchen, she returned with a bottle of water and a small bowl of assorted nuts.

"I don't think you've eaten today, so have a few of these. You could use the protein."

Maura smiled gratefully up at her friend as Jane placed the items in front of her on the coffee table, and smiled an even bigger smile internally that Jane had made sure to use a coaster for the water. Jane settled close to Maura on the couch as Maura ate and drank Jane's offerings.

"So, care to share what's going on? You looked like you were having a panic attack in the car."

"It's nothing." Maura silently cursed at herself for the hives now creeping up her neck.

"Hives, Dr. Isles," Jane chuckled and grabbed both of Maura's hands in her own. "Come on Maura, you know you can tell me anything."

At that moment Maura was overcome with a realization. It was now or never. Casey had actually _proposed_ to Jane. He was no longer one of the many men who briefly entered and just as quickly exited their lives; he was the real deal, a genuine threat. He could actually take Jane away from her.

Maura steeled herself for Jane's reaction to what she was about to say. Hoping that it wouldn't come as a shock to the Detective, but knowing there was little chance of that. Hoping that she wouldn't lose Jane over it, but knowing that if she didn't say it right now there was a good chance she'd lose her anyway.

"I love you, Jane."

Jane just grinned back at her friend's serious expression, "I love you too, Maura."

"No, I don't think you're understanding me. I'm _in_ love with you, Jane. Hopelessly, undeniably, irrationally _in_ love with you."

"I've sat for hours at a time marveling at how my life has changed since I met you. How you, this lone person, could change my reality, the way I approach life, the way others perceive me. You've captivated me, consumed me, to the point where I don't know who I am without you. You're the reason I want to wake up in the morning, the reason I want to use my knowledge, the reason I want to exist in this world. You're my reason. Since the day I met you you've been my reason."

Maura took a deep breath and continued on as she stared down at her hands still clasped in Jane's, "You're my best friend and for a long time I thought that was enough, but it's not. Not anymore. I've been so afraid to say the words, worried I would ruin us, ruin what we have, but I can't go another day without telling you. I can't bear that you would marry Casey without ever knowing how I feel. I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"If you don't feel the same I understand and I desperately hope our friendship will continue, but I couldn't miss the chance to tell you how I feel. I've loved you since the day I met you Jane Rizzoli, and even if you don't feel the same, even if you never do, I will always love you."

Maura stopped and slowly looked up into Jane's eyes, hoping beyond hope to see reciprocated love and understanding there, but what stared back at her instead was unmistakable fear and distress. Jane dropped Maura's hands and ran her fingers through her unruly hair; she stood abruptly and began to walk towards the front door.

"Jane? Jane I…" Maura's voice was full of emotion as she attempted to stand and go after Jane.

At the thickness in Maura's voice Jane turned sharply to look at her friend, panic still etched into the Detective's features. Maura stopped her movement, afraid she might spook Jane, and for a long moment they just stared at one another. Jane looked at Maura as if they'd never met before. As if Maura was this brand new person Jane needed to study. Maura felt silent tears stream down her cheeks as she read Jane's expression and she searched her brain for anything she could say in that moment. Anything to make Jane realize she was still the same person she'd always been.

But just as quickly as Jane had stopped, she then turned and continued her movements towards the door.

Maura let out a primal sob she'd been holding in since Jane first broke the news of Casey's proposal, and finally let herself cry for what she was now certain she had lost as the door closed behind the Detective.


End file.
